Mary-Clare learned to be careful what she prays for, God might just give it to her. She prayed that her repressed memories would come to her. She didn’t understand the horror that would bring to her, although we’re not sure that would have made much of a difference because Mary-Clare doesn’t do things the easy way, we don’t think that she even knows how. About a year after she began actively praying for her repressed memories to surface, Mary-Clare had her first of what would become nightly occurrences. She would go to bed, and almost drift off to sleep, that place between dozing off and actual sleep, and suddenly, it would come to her, and overtake her body completely.
When the memory shoved its way into her body, her spirit had to find somewhere else to be, we suppose, and so it would hover above her while she lived the memory in complete sensory detail. She was unable to move, unable to scream, and unable to block the memories. The flooded their way through her body. Mary-Clare jokes that she is fat because of all the people living inside of her, but you know, we think that’s a good theory actually. There are at least fifty of us that have identified ourselves so far, but there are more that haven’t yet. We identify ourselves when we are ready to do so, as we are used to hiding. We weren’t happy when professionals started realizing we were here, as our job was to hide and pretend to be normal and to pretend that Mary-Clare was normal.
The discovery of our system was a terrifying thing for all of us, and Mary-Clare was afraid people would think she was bat-shit crazy. Mary-Clare worries way too much about what people think of her and by extension, us. Most people that know her don’t know about us which we think is unfair, but Mary-Clare has to be ready. We wish she wasn’t so ashamed of us, though. I think one day she will be brave enough to let more people into our lives as the ones who have stayed by her love her and love us. They have to love us to love her, we are part of her, but we are also ourselves.
She tells people that her life so far was basically a 90’s horror flick, but we don’t think of it that way, we think we are more like a Netflix series as we all have our own stories, personalities, things we like, things we hate. The DSM number whatever, we surely don’t care but we know Mary-Clare does, says our system is called Dissociative Identity Disorder, which isn’t a very nice way to refer to us. But apparently Mary-Clare’s therapist and psychiatrist need to know this shit so they can help her, and when they help her, they help all of us. Some of us are little girls, and so most people think we shouldn’t say shit, but we’ve been through hell and we don’t really give a fuck what they think.
System is such a clinical word, what we really are is a bunch of people living in an enclosed, intentional community, kind of like those idiots that create cults, which also make for good horror stories but are also real. We grew up in a cult, which honestly is why a lot of us are even here. You want good real-life cult horror? Ask us. How about psychological horror? Again, ask us. How about supernatural horror? We can help you there, too. We have lots of horror stories to tell.
There are stories that are based on true stories such as The Exorcist, which basically everyone, including most of us, love. But we aren’t just a horror trope, we are real, although perhaps the best horror tropes are real. Real life tends to be a hell of a lot scarier than fiction. We think the whole based on a true story thing is quite disturbing because human beings can find so many ways to commit horrific actions.
Dissociative Identity Disorder is way more than just that we exist. It’s actually a very complex disorder. We aren’t even the real horror story; we are merely the characters of this horrific story. Mary-Clare is a writer and not even she could make up shit this terrible. Our lives have been horror stories from the start.
People make fun of Mary-Clare and tell her she’s afraid of everything, which really isn’t so. She isn’t afraid of everything, but all of us have our own fears and that comes out through Mary-Clare as she’s the host, if you want to call her that. This isn’t some vampire story, either, although that’s another kind of horror story. We just happen to all live inside of Mary-Clare because we came to help her when she was in distress that most people will ever experience, let alone imagine. We are amused with the idea of extreme horror because we are extreme horror.
We were attracted to horror because of our lives. Mary-Clare writes horror because it’s so familiar to her. She assures us that writers are supposed to write what they know, and all of us who are old enough to write can write, and so we write what we know, which is horror. We aren’t just a story that exists for your entertainment. We are real.
Mary-Clare St. Francis
Mary-Clare St. Francis is a writer who sounds as boring as hell but who is intimately acquainted with horror in a sinister and evil way. Having lived her life for over three decades now at the intersection of the monstrous and the sacred, darkness has been her friend. Writing of her darkness while walking in the light of Christ, she insists that wearing outfits sporting coffins is appropriate attire for going anywhere.